From Income-Statements to CAD Models: The Untold Story of the Tesla CFO Shake-up
In a world where job roles have become increasingly specialized, some people just want to do it all. And nowhere was this clearer than in the grand halls of Tesla, where, we have learned, CFO stands for Chief Fix-Everything Officer. So when CFO Zach Kirkhon left Tesla after 13 long years, it wasn’t over quarterly earnings or profit margins. No, it was over something far more pressing: Elon wasn’t happy with the speed at which Zach was developing the Full Self-Driving technology and the 4680 batteries.
A CFO's Real Duties
For most companies, a CFO examines balance sheets, tracks expenses, and possibly agonizes over the cost of toilet paper. But at Tesla? Your day might begin with balancing billions and end with balancing the fine calibrations on the Occupancy Network NN models. You could be in a meeting about capital allocation and then, five minutes later, find yourself in a lab coat observing the chemical composition of a silicon-based battery anode. Ah, just another day at the office.
The Breaking Point
Sources say that during a top-level meeting, Elon, visibly distressed, looked at Zach and exclaimed, “Why is our Full Self-Driving not fully self-driving yet? And the 4680 batteries? I expected them to be at least... 4681 by now!” Zach, holding back tears, tried to explain a concept called “departments,” but the room was too filled with anticipation for the next great leap in innovation.
Enter Vaibhav Taneja: The Fixer
Upon hearing about Zach's departure, Vaibhav entered the scene with a calculator in one hand and a wrench in the other. Elon was thoroughly impressed and immediately appointed Vaibhav as the new CFO. Vaibhav quickly realized that in order to accelerate the pace of process in Tesla's various engineering challenges, what was really needed was some good ol' financial jargon.
Rumor has it that on his first day, he examined a self-driving NN model and asked, “Have we tried maximizing its recall ROI? Maybe we should think about diversifying its hardware-asset portfolio or consider hedging its technology futures?”.
In Conclusion
While most CFOs are crunching numbers, Tesla's might just be under a car, with a multimeter in hand. Because here, "financial engineering" takes on a whole new meaning.