I don't know if I'm dreaming right now, but I requested the uncorking via the app yesterday. Just about an hour ago I got a txt from a tech, letting me know they could send me a firmware update OTA and get it taken care of now!
So yeah! I'm currently downloading the update and I hope to see 0-60 times drop!
Can this be true?
The answer is "maybe". When I was trying to get mine done, I also had a similar reply once and they did do something to it, except that it was exactly the opposite as uncorking. After they've done the remote firmware thing, the car was much much slower. Almost like a permanent chill mode was on. Only after I went to the service center they were able to push the right update and fix it.
Fingers crossed it works for you, let us know.