In the end, the tire got changed, no one was decapitated, my mom made a new friend, the helpful neighbor got wine and T-bones as a thank you, and The Kone had yet another adventure. And then there was the next day, when I went to the Costco tire center where I had gotten all new tires a year before. My mom’s neighbor had warned us that unless I had specifically purchased a Road Hazard Warranty, I’d be stuck buying a new tire unless there was a defect.
Young Costco Guy: Okay, the tire wasn’t repairable, there was a gash in the sidewall.
Me, sighing: Of course there was. What would have caused that? I was on the highway! Are you saying a rabid nail went leaping off the road to its death in the side of my tire?
YCG: Umm, maybe? Sometimes these things happen.
Me: Okay, so how much do I owe you for the new tire?
YCG: Eleventwentyfour.
I look at him and tilt my head. Eleventwentyfour? Is this some kind of New Costco Math? It doesn’t compute.
Me: What was that again?
YCG: Eleventwentyfour.
Me: Eleventytwentyforty?
YCG: No, just eleventwentyfour.
I think to myself, hmm, this must be what they’re teaching kids in school these days. They’re so used to texting and shortening words, that now they’re shortening numbers too. Could it be $1124? No, of course
not. $110.24? That makes more sense. I try to coax him out a bit, using my excellent communication skills, to mayhap get him to use non-texting language.
“So,” I say craftily, “if you were me and you were going to write this out on a check which you probably wouldn’t do because you kids do everything online these days but let’s just pretend, and say there were no mobile devices anywhere in existence so that you couldn’t send a text, what would this figure look like?”
I for one think I’m being very astute in picking up on these younger kids’ hep lingo and all that, but for some reason, he looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
YCG: Umm……..eleven dollars and twenty-four cents?
Now, I’m not saying I wrote out and slapped that check down and bolted out of there before he could figure out they had made a mistake……but hell yes, that’s exactly what I did. Okay, so I did discover that Costco has some insanely amazing service plan in place whereby all tires come with a 5-year Road Hazard Warranty, which is prorated based on how many miles you’ve driven on the tires. But still! Yet another reason to love this place. Costco, aka Mecca, will you hire me? Please?? Now?
And yes, this is what passes for
really good luck around these parts. Car got a flat tire on the highway
but close enough to an exit? Sweet! Par-tay time!