TMC predicts oil companies will need to spend $320 Billion to expand their gasoline station network to compete with Tesla home charging!
BREAKING NEWS!!!
Utilizing Math pioneered by savant UBS analyst Colin Langan, the quants at TMC have calculated the Tesla Killer Advantage over the current, antiquated local gas stations when it comes to "fueling" vehicles. If the time to travel to the average gas station is 4 minutes, while the time to travel to your garage is 1 second, then Tesla home charging is 240 times more efficient/convenient than gas stations.
Rex Tillerson, former Exxon CEO and current MIA Secretary of State, when asked to comment said, "Hell yea, that's why I took this gig, so I could divest myself of all that oil stock. You know how expensive it is to put in fuel tanks in every home in America? Hell, in some states to they don't even let you pump your own gas, so that means having an attendant sleeping in a tent on your lawn."
UBS analyst, Colin Langan, when asked to confirm the validity of the math, said, rather heatedly, "That comparison is specious....what person in their right mind would fuel at home, while sleeping in their bed? What self respecting Michigander would miss out on refueling in sub-zero weather? Can you buy Powerball Tickets or Kool Menthol cigarettes at home.....? I didn't think so! This whole home fueling thing is a fad, brought on by haters unfamiliar with the pleasure of visits to modern day convenience Meccas/gas stations. Have you tried the Sausage Biscuit Sandwich at Quick Trip? I don't think you know anything about things you pretend to "analyze". $320 Billion is Absurd!.....Are you gunning for my job?"
Stay tuned as Colin, Mark Spiegel, Steve Bannon and The Entire CNBC morning show get together for a panel discussion on creative uses for extrapolating numbers with no relationship to facts or statistical significance.