You are making statements bridged by incorrect assumptions.I believe this is the correct, by-design function, no?
The J-1772 adapter is a simple pass-through connector, there's no electronic wizardry involved--so there's no way for the EVSE to "talk" to the car beyond the J-1772 standard protocols (which do not, as far as I know, include any sort of Tesla-specific items, such as "unlatch the connector").
Yes, it's a pass-through.
Yes, it is only using the standard J1772 protocols.
Unlatching the connector, though, is not a Tesla-specific function.
While plugged in, pressing that lever does send a J1772 signal through to the car that includes "stop power" and "unlatch the connector".
Inside the vehicle to "unlock charge port" is one answer; pressing & holding the "trunk" on your keyfob is another; and pressing the little black button next to the charge port (with the key in range) is another. (I think the button may not exist in earlier models??)
None of those are necessary. It's already released from the J1772 lever signal, which is why you can just grab the adapter with your other hand and pull it out while that lever is still pressed.
That's a separate thing. That seems to be something Tesla has programmed in, to not respond to those J1772 signal commands while the car is locked/asleep.This is actually a good thing: would you want anyone to be able to walk up to your car, disconnect your power (which they can do*), and walk away with your adapter (which they cannot do, since it's still latched)?