Me and OP however aren’t talking about TeslaMate. We are talking about Tessie. Two different apps. If TeslaMate isn’t waking up your car every so often then how is it getting the current info of your car? YOU may not think so, but from an API perspective it’s literally impossible to get a real-time current info stack of the car without it waking up.
You said "Any app connected to your car is going to work against your expectations of leaving a car parked for 2 weeks without a hassle.".
I said paraphrasing: "TeslaMate does not have this problem".
TeslaMate does not send API calls to Tesla that wake the car up.
It knows the latest information of the car that Tesla knows, without waking it up. So if your car went to sleep 24 hours ago and hasn't woken up and phoned home, that's the latest bit of information you'll have.
Most cars wake up for an hour or two every 18-36 hours to off the 12V battery. If I let my car sit with Teslamate monitoring the car, I can see that it does this, and uses about 1% a week to top off the 12V battery.
Presumably most apps are doing the same thing and polling Tesla's servers without waking up the car all the time, otherwise people would complain about vampire drain all the time and stop using those apps. Now maybe Tessie does actually wake the car up periodically, no matter what. But unless it's constantly doing so and doing it more than a few times a day, it wouldn't cause the kind of vampire drain that the OP is seeing.