Thanks for checking in. I am sure you have a lot of experience to share.
I think you can designate your pickup location. We are in McCall, Boise region, and there was no offer for home delivery when it came down to it. When we visited the Boise Tesla store a year ago, they said they would be happy to deliver to McCall, but in actuality that was never an option. I am glad we didn't, because there were a couple of things that needed to be fixed and it would not have happened at home, requiring another service visit.
The new hardware stuff shows up in the forum in multiple places, and is usually announced by Tesla resulting a bunch of threads going here. The last real change for model Y was around January, when they added lithium battery/heated wiper tray/AMD chip/different harness. It was off and on for a while and my February car somehow missed out on the change. So I feel your pain. I haven't heard of anyone getting the old hardware for a while.