Dude, that is one well-written F***'in funny story! Seriously, if you haven't yet joined Tesla Owners Illinois please consider doing so. At a meeting in the near future over lunch you could further elaborate just how to pick up members of the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing) using the fancy Tesla-based toys (only for single members, of course!). Also, it would be great if you could show us first-hand which seats in the model S are the best for getting 'cozy'. Applicable knowledge for single and married alike!
PS - what could one do with an eyebrow ring the size of an old doorknob? Curious minds want to know...